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 Newsletter Excerpts 2006 
Perceptions And Misperceptions Around Post Abortion Experience
The abortion was supposed to deal with the problem of the unwanted
or unplanned pregnancy yet there may be regret, guilt and grief. And
everyone is caught up in dealing with it and surviving as best they can.
When working with woman after abortion I am struck and moved by the
mix of emotions, perceptions, expectations and confusion that can occur
both for the woman herself and those around her.
“The abortion would render me normal and get things back the way
they were - but things don’t feel like they did before I became
pregnant.”
“People expect me to get over it and get on, and don’t seem to
understand or care about what really happened or the pain I am in now.”
Everyone’s scenario is different, however, by the time people come
for help they are often at a loss or desperate, because they have not
been able to speak about what it was like then and is like now for them
afterwards.
Some women will experience feelings of grief, loss or depression
immediately after their abortion, but the majority probably feel
relief. Often there is so much stress and tension beforehand, around
the decision and having the abortion, that the finality of it being
over invites release of that stress and tension. It is done, ended, it
is time to put it all behind her and go on with her life.
However, for many, the relief is temporary. For the seeds may
already be planted for future stress. Unresolved memories and feelings
about the decision can impact her in subtle ways in terms of her self
esteem, her view of the world and be played out in her life and
relationships without her conscious awareness. The abortion can become
a source of pressure that may erupt years later in unexpected ways.
Dr Julius Fogel, a psychiatrist and obstetrician who personally
performed over 20,000 abortions observed: “Every woman, whatever her
age background or sexuality has a trauma at destroying a pregnancy. A
level of humanness is touched. This is a part of her own life. When she
destroys a pregnancy, she is destroying herself. There is no way it can
be innocuous.... Often the trauma may sink into the unconscious and
never surface in the woman’s lifetime.”
Dr Fogel goes on to say that a psychological price is paid. “It may
be alienation; it may be pushing away from human warmth, perhaps a
hardening of the maternal instinct. Something happens on the deeper
levels of a woman’s consciousness when she destroys a pregnancy. I know
that as a psychiatrist.”
It can be hard for the post-aborted woman to share her true feelings
after her abortion. When those around ask how she is feeling
immediately afterwards any expression of relief or being okay is
quickly interpreted as meaning that she will be “fine” with it forever,
which is not necessarily true.
Subsequent doubts or regrets or grief may be trivialised or ignored.
Sharing delayed negative feelings may make others uncomfortable and
this may be communicated to her in subtle and not so subtle ways. The
message she hears explicitly or implicitly is “Just remember why you
did it. It was the best thing” or “Get over it. You have your whole
life ahead of you” or “Don’t stir up the past. Focus on the future”.
Such comments shut her down and shut her in upon herself, alone and
silenced. These messages effectively reinforce the prevalent social
perception that abortion is ‘no big deal’ and the expectation is
imposed on the woman after abortion that it shouldn’t be a big deal.
If she expresses distress afterwards, it may be dismissed as a
temporary mood that will soon go away. This is what others hope and
expect because they too want things back to normal or may simply find
it hard to know how to respond.
Many women develop facades and live out a pretence when inside they are crying or hurting.
This they may see often only later through the healing process. But
we need to recognise that the pretence may be a means of survival and a
way to keep others happy though it goes to perpetuating the
misperception around post-abortion experience and reinforces denial.
Friends and relatives also often pass their perception or
expectation to other women considering an abortion with assurances like
“ Sally had an abortion. It was no big deal. She’s fine.” How do they
know for sure that she is fine? How do they know her fears... her
memories... her inner reality?
The reality of what happened and what it meant for her “self”
doesn’t go away and as with other unaddressed traumas or issues in
people’s lives it seeks expression and resolution. This as we know may
occur when another crisis hits or the appropriate situation arises when
she is “ready” to share her experience, and where she feels someone
empathetic is listening who will take her seriously.
We endeavour to share with people our knowledge and experience
working with women after abortion and steps for healing so that more
people will be alert to the needs and be able to respond to those in
their sphere who may be vulnerable and hurting after an abortion. What
are your (mis)perceptions around post-abortion experience? Are you
ready and able to respond positively to someone close to you or who
comes to you for help in your work place or practice?
- By Carolina Gnad (Inspired by “Forbidden Grief: The Unspoken Pain Of Abortion” by Theresa Burke with David C. Reardon)
NO PLACE TO TURN
One great difficulty faced by women and
men who are burdened by the weight of a past abortion is that they are
afraid to reveal to others the secret grief they feel over an abortion.
They fear the reactions of those who are pro-choice and those who are
pro-life.
They are afraid that those who defend abortion will scoff at their
need to grieve. After all, if abortion is “no big deal”, if what they
aborted was not really their child, why should they grieve? Some
abortion defenders would even consider such grief irrational.
On the other hand, they are afraid that if they share their grief with
those who condemn abortion, they themselves will be subjected to
condemnation. They can just imagine their pro-life friends gaping at
them with horrified expressions, saying “How could you ever do such a
thing?” They not only fear losing the respect of their pro-life
friends, they also fear that such rejection will only intensify their
feelings of guilt and loss.
What post-aborted women and men really want, and need is to be understood.
They need their grief to be acknowledged and authenticated.
They need the opportunity to share their grief with people
who will respect their pain, and not turn it into a political statement.
If we want to be a community of healers, then, we must not allow our
political or philosophical views of abortion to push away those who are
suffering from post-abortion grief. Those who are pro-choice must not
deny that there is anything to grieve about when a child is lost
through abortion. And those who are pro-life must not treat an
expression of post-abortion grief like an opportunity to say “I told
you so.”
Both sides of this political debate must simply make room for those who
need to grieve. This grief is authentic and meaningful. It must be met
with compassion. Not with excuses or condemnations, but simply with
compassion and understanding, which are the keys to emotional healing.
(Excerpts from “The Jericho Plan: Breaking Down the Walls Which Prevent Post Abortion Healing” by David C Reardon.)
Post-abortion Grief and Spiritual Group Intervention
Are there merits to faith-based support for those experiencing post
abortion shame and trauma, or does religion and spirituality compound
their issues as some would claim?
I recently received a copy of an article from a study, undertaken at
the University of South Florida, entitled “Post-abortion Grief:
Evaluating the Possible Efficacy of a Spiritual Group Intervention.” (1)
The primary purpose of the study was to determine if a spiritually
based grief group intervention decreases shame and other symptoms
related to PTSD in women who are experiencing post abortion grief. A second purpose was
to identify specific aspects of the intervention that may have been
helpful or not helpful for a woman with post abortion grief.
The study used the Impact of Event Scale-Revised (IES-R) which
includes the Hyperarousal Subscale, and the Internalized Shame Scale
(ISS) pre- and post-intervention. The outcomes indicated that a
time-limited, spiritual group intervention resulted in clinically
significant improvement in reduction of shame and PTSD (Post Traumatic
Stress Disorder) for women experiencing post abortion grief (Post-abortion Grief). 80%
reported that their religious belief and spirituality played a strong
role in resolving their post abortion grief.
It stated that the actual percentage of women negatively affected by
an abortion remains unknown and that some women with symptoms of
post-abortion grief would not be amenable to a spiritual intervention.
However, for the women in this particular study improvement in
well-being was achieved, and many attributed their satisfaction to the
use of spirituality in the healing process.
Whether the majority of women do or do not experience significant
emotional problems after abortion is perhaps debatable, but there is no
doubt that some women do experience significant problems, and maybe
more do than we (as individuals, health professionals and a society)
care to realise.
Abortion as a death event goes to the core of human experience. It
makes sense then that for deep healing to occur spiritual aspects need
to be attended to. Post-abortion grief is still largely unrecognised
and untreated, and those who experience such grief often find
themselves alone or unsupported in mourning the perceived loss of their
child.
Unlike most forms of grief, post-abortion grief is elusive; there is
no burial, no photos, and no outpouring of sympathy from others to
provide comfort and facilitate closure. This lack of recognition may
convey to the woman that her post abortion grief is unjustifiable, which over time can
perpetuate her silence and delay her mourning.
Faith-based agencies and spiritually based intervention are designed
to address post abortion grief and to integrate spirituality into the healing process
enabling a more holistic approach. What might some of the other
benefits be in providing spiritually based support? Can religion have a
therapeutic role?
One unique value of the psychoeducational post-abortion spiritual
groups is that members share and validate the perception and experience
of loss, provide peer support, offer unconditional acceptance, and
accept spirituality and spiritual healing as important. The group
members can become a community for the women to openly mourn and
process their grief in a safe, supportive environment. The use of
rituals such as writing letters to their babies, using visualisations,
and reading affirming Bible scripture are indicated to be helpful.
Group facilitators have observed that many of the participants could
accept God’s forgiveness and forgiveness from others and extend
forgiveness to others, but self-forgiveness is a common obstacle. If
not reconciled this can seriously disrupt the process of post abortion grief
resolution. For forgiveness to be really effective it has to go beyond
an intellectual exercise; it has to be a heartfelt choice made by the
individual, and for a person of faith, a heartfelt choice made in
relationship with God.
post abortion grief groups typically offer a scheduled format, and some may later
form into self-help groups. Similar to other support groups,
facilitators are usually trained professionals of volunteers with
professional supervision. There is a recognition of the significance of
emotional and spiritual pain associated with abortion loss and the need
to attend to spiritual concerns of those with post-abortion grief.
The debate and politics surrounding abortion often means little
attention is given to the area of risk assessment and treatment for
post abortion grief. Some research has shown that women appearing at higher risk for
post abortion grief include adolescents, women with second trimester abortions,
abortions for medical reasons, and coerced abortions. Women will not
speak out about their experiences when faced with a blanket social
denial nor will they seek help and understanding that is not
forthcoming. Furthermore they will not seek spiritual support and or
gain spiritual healing if our secular treatments do not address their
post-abortion grief at that very deepest level.
- By Carolina Gnad
Reference:
- Post-abortion Grief: Evaluating the Possible Efficacy of a Spiritual Group Intervention,
by Susan Dyer Layer, Cleora Roberts, Kelli Wild, Jan Walters, Research
on Social Work Practice, Vol. 14 No. 5, September 2004, Sage
Publications
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